Being assertive means being able to stand up for your own rights in a calm and positive way, without being either aggressive or passively accepting what you don’t want or don’t agree with. Assertiveness means standing up for your personal rights - expressing thoughts, feelings and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate ways. By being assertive we should always respect the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of other people.
Being passive in situations: Is this you?
A classic passive response is offered by those who say 'yes' to requests when they actually want to say 'no'.
“Do you think you can find the time to wash the car today?”
A typical passive reply might be:
“Yes, I'll do it after I've done the shopping, made an important telephone call, finished the filing, cleaned the windows and made lunch for the kids!”
A far more appropriate response would have been:
“No, I can't do it today as I've got lots of other things I need to do.”
Assertiveness is equally important at work as at home.
*If you become known as a person who cannot say no, you will be approached by people who want to unload their tasks on you.
Tips for assertive behavior:
2. Describe how another person’s behavior makes you feel
This makes other people aware of the consequences of their actions:
“When you raise your voice it makes me scared ... I would like you to speak softly
3. Stick to your guns - the broken record technique
This involves thinking about what you want, preparing what you might say,
then repeating it as necessary:
“I would like a refund ... Yes, but I would still like a refund ... I’ve heard what you
have said but I still want a refund”